I mentioned that there were events about to take place in our lives that made our choice to move in to a single wide trailer a brilliant move!
I'm going to chronicle the events in the form of a journal so as to help unfold our crisis as it actually occurred. However, before doing so, I want to note that I had been dealing with health issues for awhile. I just didn't want to take the time to address them. I think I'm not alone as a woman. We tend to always come last and if you're a workaholic like I was your health is just one more thing to put aside until you have time to deal with it!
During the past 10 years I held positions as an Executive Recruiter, which meant sitting at a desk in front of a computer. Once my headset was firmly attached, I didn't move for 10-12 hours a day. Given that I was at my heaviest weight during those 10 years, my body did not like the posture or the sedentary choice of occupations. With that said, here's the journal of events one week after moving in to the new trailer.
Day 1
Accepted new position that I was so excited about - working for a company that was retained by my former (and most loved) employer, Apple Computer. Job will pay me well, putting us well on to the road to financial recovery (especially with the new $200/month mortgage we just acquired). Start new role with same company in two weeks (Day 14).
Day 2
Wake up in the morning and left arm has no feelings from top of neck to tip of fingers. Hmmm. Assume I've slept on it wrong, will see how it does over the next couple of days.
Day 3
In the middle of teaching a class of 25 students how to use a computer, lose vision in left eye. Not good. Tell peer instructor, who suggests I might be having a stroke. Go to primary care physician who orders two referrals. One to Opthamologist and one to lab for MRI. Future MRI's have already been scheduled for my back (one of the fall out's of sitting in a chair for 10 years)!
Opthamologist reports eye is fine - having an Ocular Migraine -wonderful! Wait until tomorrow for MRI results.
Day 4
Doctor calls with MRI results. Neck has some bulging discs but not ones to suggest numbing in arm. Will check up on those discs at later date. HOWEVER, MRI shows something on lungs. Need to go back for Chest X-ray.
Day 5
Doctor calls same day as Chest X-Ray. Definitely something on my lungs - lumps. Lots of them. Without wanting to worry me, wants me to know lumps are likely a) Lymphoma b) Sarcoids. He encourages me that if it's Lymphoma, it's the cancer of choice - easy to treat. Have NO idea what the heck Sarcoids are - still not clear after he explains but I opt for Sarcoids. Doctor needs a CT Scan.
Day 6
Doctor calls with results from CT Scan. Numerous lumps - need to see Pulmonary doc and get breathing assessment (plethysmograph) to see if lumps are causing breathing limitations.
Day 8
Meet with Pulmonary doc - recommends that he do a Broncoscopy (Gagoscopy) - lump biopsy. Plethysmograph indicates breathing is not impaired.
Day 9
It hits me - what if it's cancer? I spend the day deciding whether I'm doing ok or not doing well at all. Larry and I have serious conversations about how we feel about this process and the pending results. On this day a dear friend of mine, who has no idea what I'm going through, tells me she's doing a study called "One Month To Live" - Great! I'm compelled to go buy the book - just in case. By the way, this is an INCREDIBLE book even if you're not facing a life-threatening illness. I credit this book with changing my perspective on life and how to live it. Go get it!
In my broad range of thoughts, I finally came to the realization that I had reached this point in my life without ever asking myself if I was having fun. My body hurt every day. I was wound up like an eight day clock and I didn't have one hobby that I could recall - not one. I had given up playing the guitar in high school - the one thing I really enjoyed. I didn't write anymore and I had relationships with friends that consisted of a VERY occasional phone call or on even rarer occasions, lunch. Frankly, I have been a bit jealous of my husband Larry who knows how to live and love life - too many hobbies to count!
After much discussion and time on our knees, Larry and I decided that regardless of the outcome of the results, somethings were going to change. Would it be possible with the new house for me to actually not return to work and just focus on getting well? Not just physically but mentally and spiritually? We pondered that question for days.
Day 12
Broncoscopy. If you look this up in the dictionary it says, "DON'T DO IT"! This is where they drill a hose down your throat and in to your chest cavity to pick off a sample for biopsy. Oh sure, they medicate you. In my case, the meds didn't work so I gagged, choked and cried for the entire procedure. If you ever have this done - ask them to knock you out!
The biopsy was done on a Thursday and we would have to wait until Monday for the results. Monday is the same day I start my new job. We decide that regardless of the results, I'm not going back to work. We'll do whatever we can to make the finances work so that I can heal.
Day 14
Graciously, the doctor called first thing in the morning to tell me that I have Sarcoidosis. I've included a link for those of you unfamiliar with the disease, www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/dci/Diseases/sarc/sar_whatis.html. The upside of this disease in my case is that with the extent of the lumps, I've probably had it for years and have lived symptom free. Therefore, I'm likely to live a life symptom free. I'll get checked every six months to make sure that I am in remission. We are so thankful it wasn't Lymphoma and that it is something that is treatable.
I've taken the time to share this journal with you for a couple of reasons. Both of them are directly tied to my previous writings pertaining to our financial journey.
1) From a worldly perspective, one never knows what lies around the corner that may de-rail your best efforts; the loss of a job, the loss of a spouse, a down economy or health issues. To the extent that you have a solid plan in place to prepare you for whatever may come (and it will come), you can withstand the worst of these events. While we didn't know that these events were coming, the fact that we had submitted to buying a house lower than our 'standards' and lowering our cost of living by 70%, we were able to act according to what was best for us.
2) From a spiritual perspective and probably the one that has created the greatest change in my life, we're not in control as much as we like to think we are. God really does have a plan and to the extent that we are willing to yield to those plans, life works. To the extent that we fight Him and attempt to do it our way, life can be really tough. Despite my best efforts to do it all on my own, I lived a pretty chaotic life.
I'm happy to say that I am fully yielded to God's plan for my life and the result is that my life is calmer, sweeter and much more adventurous. While I don't always 'like' where He is taking me, I trust Him and have found Him to be faithful, gentle and mindful of me each step of the way.
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